Year 2017: The Most Trying Year of My Life

Last February 2017, I subscribed with Hostgator as I got some guts and commitment to write and write about my travels.  I pledged to write an article a month with my pending past travels.

However, a month after, my mother has to undergo thyroidectomy operations.  She was able to recover and a week after her operations, I went to Busan for a week of solitary trip.  A sort of healing and recovery for me as I juggled both the demands at work (year-end close and a post process and system migration are too much to handle that I had my hair cut short) and attending to my mother's medical needs.

Thankfully, she was doing well weeks after but has to go through follow-up of tests and check-ups.  I then moved to a new company, a multinational company.  As I am new to the company, I seldom went home to the province to see my mother and only seen her in August 2017.  I saw how her physical appearance has been changing and how weakly she is getting.  But I tried to ignore as I do not want to face the fact that my mother is no longer the strong woman I know physically after her thyroidectomy operation.

Then, I got a call in September 24, 2017 while I was at work.  She told me she got herself admitted at the hospital in the province as she's terribly feeling weak and the stomach pain are getting worse.  I cannot file on leave yet but told her I' m coming home on the 29th of September.  From work, I went straight to the airport and took the first morning flight from Manila to Bacolod.  From Bacolod airport, I went straight to the Riverside Medical Centre where my mother was admitted.

She looked fine but her skin more yellowish.  I tried to overcome the sleepiness from having no sleep from work but had to take a nap.  Late in the afternoon, her doctor called me to talk about her medical condition.

"Your mother may succumb to coma as the toxins from liver inflamation and other complications from her kidney and gall bladder are already spreading.  There's no other option but a liver transplant".  I cannot decipher what the doctor is saying.  "Are you all working in Manila"?, she asked.  I said, "Yes, all of us. My father and my siblings.  She's living here in Bacolod with my sister in law and a helper.". "I'd rather you take her to the hospital in Manila so whatever might happen to her, you are all there".  The doctor further told me.  I still cannot take in all what she said.  What I was trying to think is to find a solution.  At work, whenever my subordinate raised an escalation of an issue, while having a discussion, I would already think the ways to resolve.

"Where can we get the liver transplant?", I further asked.  She said, "It will take a while to find a donor and my mother's case is very urgent. AND, it is too costly".  I was thinking, I don't mind, we will find a way.  But my mother as I later found out was already aware of her condition.  The doctor told her about everything.  She told me it was too costly, we cannot afford it. And I answered back, let's got o Manila where the hospital has more other facilities that can sustain you while we are looking for the donor.

September 30, 2017, we took the commercial flight to Manila from Bacolod and transferred my mother to St Lukes Medical Center in Quezon City.  She looked good. She walked though supported with wheelchair.  My father fetched us at the airport.

She was admitted the same day and all other tests were done to her.  All medical specialists surrounded her - from fellows for internal medicine, kidney specialist, heart surgeon, among others whose specialization I can no longer remember.  Everyday I took note of her food and liquid intake, including her urine and stool.  But her conditions are not getting better.  Whatever medications for her kidney will elevate the condition of her liver - and the other way around.  As she's urinating too little, her stomach is getting bigger and she looked uncomfortable but did not show anything to me.  I asked her if there's anything painful, it just that she felt bloated.  I juggled work at the hospital while attending her.

Then, the doctor advised for gradual dialysis - it was gradual to manage her other complications which medical terms I can no longer remember.  I asked my father to come back from her project assignment in Masbate to be with us during the first dialysis.  I can sense something but ignored everything.  I ignored the possibility that anything worst could happen to my mother.

October 5, 2017, she was scheduled for the "gradual dialysis" and was transferred around 7:00PM.  It was a five-hour ordeal of checking her from time to time as the dialysis was on-going.  I prayed the Holy Rosary with her and has to go out of the dialysis room from time to time.  At around 1AM of October 6, 2017, the dialysis was completed and she was sleeping.  Her blood pressure has gotten low but I could not sense any criticality yet.  She was transferred back to her room. 

I asked my father to give her medication scheduled at 4AM as I tried to take a quick nap but couldn't do so.   The assigned nurses kept coming back and forth checking her blood pressure as its getting lower and lower.  At around 4AM, there were rush and urgency in their action and I had to get-up.  They asked me to wake her up in our dialect and she's not answering anymore.  Her blood pressure is dropping.  She would open her eyes as I called her name but closed again.  More fellows came in to check asking me any observations during the dialysis.  If I can only shout at them if they can check from the dialysis center what are those numbers in the machines could tell them.  It was in that moment that only if I can understand medical terms and processes, I could have helped.  I should have taken medicine and not accountancy.

It was the most hectic and long two hours to experience when they decided to put a tube to my mother's mouth (again, I cannot remember the medical terms) so she can breathe. I signed the waiver. It was too painful to see that the head nurse asked me to step out of the room but I did not want to.  My father was already outside of the room.  I told the head nurse I can take it but he told me I could get traumatized.  My father guided me to outside of the room.  More machines were deployed to the room - xray, etc.  I heard my mother groaned in pain as the tube was inserted to her mouth.  I could not face my own pain but to look after my father.  I kept a conversation as casual as possible what the doctors were doing to my mother. 

After reviving my mother during that 30-minutes of hurdle, it was too painful to see (and remember) how she looked.  Tubes on her mouth, blood spurted on her dress and mouth. She's in too much pain and discomfort.  She kept on lifting her hand to pull out the tube and the nurses were stopping her.  I came closer to her and whispered that it would help her breathe so please bear a little as it was too much of discomfort for her.  She listened and rested.

Then, the doctor advised that she needed to be transferred to ICU where further dialysis has to be done and she needed close monitoring.  The ICU fellow told us pointblank. My mother has 24 hours to survive.  As her blood pressure kept on dropping, they had to manage the dialysis to its minimum.  Again, a medication to one of her medical condition is detrimental to the other.

My father was in shock, in tears.  I was holding my tears.  I need to understand and need to prepare.  I called my brother in Mindoro and sister in Malaysia to come home.  My brother traveled right away and we told him to show some courage so my mother would fight hard to survive.  My sister hesitated to come home and asked us to tell our mother she won't come home but she has to live.

We spent most of our time at the chapel - my father crying hard, praying to God to allow my mother to live - at most to spend Christmas with us.  I was also praying to extend her life and let us spend Christmas with her.  I cannot even pray the Holy Rosary while waiting.  I was restless for a call from ICU anytime.  I went back and forth in ICU checking on her blood pressure and all the numbers running in the machines.  There were too many hanging from the stand connected to the tubes.  More stocks of different liquids on the floor.  The ICU fellow was kind enough to explain but also honest that it was not getting better.  It was too painful to see my mother's condition - she was in too much pain that I already think of letting her go. Every time we talked to her, she would nod.  I whispered to her that my sister is coming over so please hang for her life more.   Everytime we told her about it, her blood pressure would improve.  But she still looked in too much pain that I cannot bear to see anymore.  I kept on having a strong front and looked calm when talking to the ICU nurses to understand her condition. But in layman terms, I did understand. She was not getting better.

Then, I called my sister to book the earliest flight as it seemed my mother was only waiting for her.  She was at her most painful state.  And I could not forget her last hours. It is still painful to remember.

Our relatives and friends gathered at the hospital and stayed with us overnight.  October 7, 2017, at around 2AM, I checked on my mother's and it seemed her BP is getting better.  That was my own interpretation.  At 4AM, I told my relatives and friends to go home and to go back by 10AM when they can visit my mother at ICU.  At around 5AM, I planned to went up at ICU but received a call from the nurses instead.  They asked us to come up immediately.  The three of us (my father and my brother) went up immediately and witnessed how the doctors tried to revive my mother.  On the 7th attempt (if I can remember it correctly), they were explaining that it would be the final dose and if they would proceed.  My father answered to proceed.  But still no response from my mother's.

It was painful how her chest were pumped up and down.  I could not imagine the pain of her chest getting pressed harder.  But the life line was already flat. No response.

The doctor asked us if we can stop.  I asked my father if we can stop.  We have to let go of my mother. And that was the most painful decision that we have to take.  I was asked to sign a waiver.  And the most difficult and painful signature to write.

October 7, 2017, at around 7AM, on the Feast of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary, my mother was succumbed to liver inflamation and multiple organs failure.  She looked too pitiful that I regret to have that tube inserted to her mouth.  I regret giving into the doctor's advise for dialysis.  I regret that she has to go through all those painful medical procedures if only at the end, she was not able to survive.  I regret all the waivers that I signed. If I am a doctor, would I able to treat her? The way I did well in my profession as an accountant right now.  If I am a doctor, would it make a difference (would I able to lessen the pain?). Would I resort to some medical procedures to lessen the pain?  If I was a doctor, did I just have her died at home instead but at most painless and natural way?  There were too many regrets. Should I demand an explanation from the doctors? Their recommendations did not work- did they just do the trial and error?  Can they explained clearly to me- the way I can explain the numbers in the financial statements?  How could I asked them in a way they can explain to me in terms that I can understand? They were using a lot of acronyms, longer terminologies that I thought I was stupid not to understand.  There were too many regrets.

Days after her death were spent on errands. All the necessary papers and finances to settle, including a promise to pay and collateral - from the released of her remains from the hospital to the funeral house.  The documents for her transit from Manila to Bacolod - the arrangement at the cemetery, funeral house in the province, contacting the relatives, arranging for the masses, etc.  As I spent the days arranging everything, I did not cry the hardest.  I hold all those emotions as I need to stand strong for my father and siblings - even up to the funeral. 

It was too hard that I wanted to understand why I couldn't cry.  Why can't I cry.  And I still felt, my mother was just around us.  It was until the 39th day from her death when I learned that she would be gone forever on the 40th and that I would not feel her anymore.

The reality finally sinked in.  I was in the parking lot getting off work and I cried so hard for an hour. Then, I continued driving along C5 dangerously with the 10-wheeler trucks while crying so hard at past 2 am in the morning.  I thought of swerving the wheel and just bumped and switched between these 10-wheeler trucks to I could be with my mother wherever she is but something whispered not to do it.  It was so hard that I cannot focus on work.  I have to look after my father and ignored what I was going through.

Fourteen days more, it would be six months since her death but felt like forever. The life clock is much slower, days passed by just living without any expectation at all.  I don't have the appetite to eat and did not meet a lot of friends during Christmas holidays.   It was the hardest to survive. The loneliest holidays ever.

As I tried to live each day, feel the loneliness from the loss of my mother, and just go through each day with nothing to expect.  I do not have plans for the future anymore.  I just live each day whatever life has to offer but also sorry that I can no longer give my best at work.  I cannot pull any motivation from within and I am still struggling until now.

I cannot attend regular Sunday mass.  If I attend, I would stay outside as my heart is only filled of loneliness and could not help but cry when I sing the Lord's Prayer.  Deep in my heart, I am also sorry to God that I could not attend the mass with joyful heart.  I do not blame God for what happened.  Instead, I would like to understand the same pain He gone through at the cross.  But I am also praying for the grace to sustain and healing.

But I am also trying for self-healing - reading books about grief, looking for helpful messages from the internet.  I cannot open up but thankfully I met friends who lost a parent just few years back and shared what they experienced. And what I am going through right now are just part of the process of healing.  On March 11, 2018, just a week before my birthday, I went to attend a private retreat at Carmelites Missionary.  It was helpful to get rid all of the regrets and continue praying for our healing. 

And I pray that amidst the loneliness, I would like to think that my mother is in a much better place where there's no pain. But I pray that she would continue to guide us as we live each day trying to face life's difficulties and loneliness until we meet again.

And now I'm starting to write.

My Website! SOON

I've been away for so long..
only to realize that it's time to have my own..

clarathewanderer.com is construction in progress.

cheers to writing! 
and the "wanderful" life experience of exploring the world.

Solitude at the Carmelites Missionary

March 17, 2016 - my travel calendar was marked with a 7-day trip to Busan, Suwon and Seoul. The itinerary includes Kimchi-making, complete tour of Busan (for it was a short visit only in Year 2013), overnight in Suwon, a stay in a dormitory (to really feel like a real backpacker) and finally watch Nanta musical. I came to do a  sort of celebratory ritual on my birthdays just like how I spent in Year 2013 when I had my incomparable experience wandering alone in South Korea for ten-days.

I was supposed to do that again in 2016, with a ticket booked as early as June 2015 and many plans on hand of the things that I haven't brushed off yet from my bucketlist. Those were all planned but because of a wrong decision that turned my life upside down, all my travel plans were all set aside.  As to when I would be travelling to a foreign country again, I don't know yet.  For now, I would be spending the days reminiscing my travel memories by browsing my pictures and reading blogs.

Days before my birthday, I dread "my day" to come. It was not supposedly to be celebrated.  It was so difficult that I thought life should end at that point in time.

But the fear in God was greater. 

And I helped myself to find solace, to find acceptance that an organized person like me has actually messed up her life, to find forgiveness and come terms to myself that I made a mistake and I should accept it.  I thought of going through a yoga, a meditation or anything where I can calm my mind. But then I know for the fact that I cannot do meditation - my mind will just wander. I've been to a lot of prayer meetings during my teens and my friends were already experiencing the gift of tongues of the Holy Spirit, but I either fall asleep or things just came randomly into my mind.

Again, I still haven't figured out that it was actually my faith that was not at ease.

Two days before my actual birthday, I started searching about "soul searching" or private retreat and read about it. But something still hinder me to go through it. The programs are a bit intense, some a bit pricey and some are just like getting rid everything about yourself, including that some are not of my Catholic faith.  I have difficulty opening up about my problems.  I always solve them on my own and I would never share even to the closest persons I know.  And I am not ready to it yet.  

And then, something about private retreat popped up through the search engine. I read through the blog where they offer private guided retreat.  At first I thought, I just need a quite place surrounded with religious people to silence the noise within myself.  So I sent an email and asked if they can still accommodate me.

So on Thursday, March 17, 2016, I drove to Tagaytay for the first time on my own and alone for an overnight stay at the Carmelite Missionaries.  Along the way, at times I cried. I was scared, a bit uncomfortable and anxious but then I knew I had to do it.  I kept on praying for God's guidance not to back-out. Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to pick-up myself again.  I knew how uncomfortable the process of retreat and recollection as I experienced once before I graduated from college - you would just eat and eat and cry and cry (that's how we jokingly described it).  But seriously, it's uncomfortable because you will be opening yourself with the rest of other people.

A few kilometers before turning left to the Carmelites, I stopped by the church near Java Kafe to gather some courage and then ate my lunch.  It was like I was scheduled for a death sentence.  Then, finally I reached the solemn place.  Sr. Flor met me at the receiving area and introduced me to Sr. Esther. They are both Ilonggos.  Thank God, I'd be comfortable.  Then, my bountiful lunch was already prepared in the dining hall, on an exclusive table with my nametag on top.  I felt shy. Do I deserve this? But I saw two more solo persons on retreat with their names too (one a nun and another private individual like me). Sr. Esther told me to take a rest first with a schedule on how the retreat would go through.  Just like how I experienced it before I graduated from college, I was fed with bountiful meals (lunch, PM snack, dinner and then breakfast, AM snack and lunch again).  

The private retreat was like talking to a grandmother or anyone who can talk about life.  There are things that I cannot open up with my parents especially if those will just give them something to worry about. The guided retreat that Sr. Esther made for me has taught me how to meditate in a way that it was actually talking to God.  There are bible readings as my guide and Sr. Esther guided me how to open up to God from the heart. I am not a Bible reader.  Unless there is a reflections along with a Bible verse (just like the Didache), I can then reflect what the Bible says. Sr. Esther asked me if I keep a journal and I said yes. She advised if I couldn't really utter and voice out a prayer, then I can write instead. She told me to find a place where I can be comfortable as the place itself is solemn.  I meditated in a garden, in the chapel, in some prayer rooms, and found the time and the way that was comfortable to me. She also informed me that the nuns were doing their nightly prayer in songs and I might want to observe and have it as part of my retreat.  I went and just sat down at the back.  One of the sisters gave the song book.  Those were new to me but I felt at peace and comfortable.

That night, after five long months of sleepless and crying nights, I was able to sleep in the most peaceful I can ever remember.  The next day, Sr. Esther told me that I looked different, much better and at peace when we continued the guided retreat.  I told her that my worry is when I get back to Manila - to deal with my real life. With the world that I live in, I am afraid that I might forget the retreat that restored myself.  She advised me to keep praying for the grace to sustain and endure and they will pray for me. From time to time, Sr. Esther would text me, asked me how I was doing. And I was just too shy to reply.

Almost a year after, January 2017, looking back I still missed out the daily motivation habit and still struggle to do it especially that I came home late from overtime at work.  I cannot get up early and do it.  I got buried with the overlapping responsibilities at work and at home but it is different now.  I know how to turn to God, to talk to him, to attend mass when my mind and heart is in trouble. I now look for God just to talk with him, and not just looking for him because of problems. When problems came, I prayed and lifted wholeheartedly to Him.  And miraculously, it was indeed different than a year ago.  

the Carmelite Missionaries

I may have not traveled again on my own but this solitary travel is the most fulfilling of them all.

A Prologue to My Solitary Travel

My first travel away from home was going to Cebu when I was six years old, about to enter Grade 1.  My older cousin, who was then a military sergeant, was really fond of me (perhaps i was too smarty and cute when i was little :-)) and asked my parents if he could tag me along for a summer vacation.  I can remember a little - playing with some kids amidst the differences in our dialects, going to the market, and taking the long bus trip. It was too late for my parents to realize why they allowed it to happen. I was just a kid and only in pre-school. But I cannot remember getting homesick. What I can remember was being afraid of the dark, as kids normally do, so I'd play with my watch in darkness until I fall into sleep.  I think it was the first time that travel bug bit me, very deep that it stung into my blood and kept on running through my veins.  The poison has never been cleared, until now!

Since then, my summer and school vacations were spent either in my grandparents' house for months or in a relative that were far from home - where I traveled by land, by the sea, and by air.  

Source: www.mychildmagazine.com

Travel, then, was all about F.U.N! It was when I played with new kids and met new friends (where I compelled them to write in my SlumBook).  It was where from the eyes of a grade schooler, I learned the different facets of life. When I started to have crushes and had a my childish version of a "long distance relationship".

Summer vacations meant travel to me. 

Fast forward.

A year after I passed the CPA Board exam, I applied for working visa to Canada. But as a newly grad, with less than a year of experience,  I did not meet the required number of  points.  Years passed, as I hopped from one job to another, I never stop trying. I applied for Singapore, Canada, US, New Zealand and Australia. But either fate or any other forces of nature was defying the chance. I've never been successful.  

When I was on the verge of completely giving up after I landed with my current job where complete compensation package is already at par with Singapore's experience level, I got a call from Apple Singapore offering a job very much similar to mine.  I did consider.  I may get the same bucks with I was getting with the local one for a managerial post and with Singapore's as an analyst, its the experience that matters - to work abroad and learn how to survive away from the perks of comfort life (in all aspects) in my country, to live and work with other nationalities, to adapt to their cultures, to be just independent.

But that opportunity also went away.  So I retreat. It's not my destiny. It's not my fate.

Eventually, I understand why.  There's always a reason for everything!

I can have the best of both worlds.  I still have the comforts of my home but I have the time, the opportunity, my created chances, and most of all, the resources to explore the world on my own - out of pleasure and not for the sake of living.

Off to board Singapore Airlines - my first trip abroad

Have I landed a job in Singapore, I'm not too sure if I would have this pleasure of solitary travel... so with my family and friends. ;-)

My Twelve Highlights of Year 2012

The Year 2012 is all about the three most important treasures of my life - Family, Career and Friends.  Started the year with a new job, gained new friends, reunited with the old, traveled to the new and old places here and abroad and more bonding trips with my family.

With much better outlook in life focusing more on the positives and just brushing off the negatives, I learned to be resilient and put all my trust to God and blessings have kept on coming (aside from gaining weight). (",)With all these great things, I am grateful to our Good Lord for guiding me and being with me all these years.

As I look forward to the surprises that 2013 will bring more to my life, here's my list for my 12 highlights of Year 2012.

1. New Job for 2012

01.12.2012 - I stamped this date as the last day of my five years and eleven months graveyard-to-chaotic-work shift job.  It was a big decision to make as I let go a much fancier pay/post yet much stressful life, free travel abroad (UK to be specific) and  the 6-digit-bonus to embark to my new job at Kapamilya Network.  
01.16.2012 - I joined the Kapamilya network where I discovered how my hobby has become my job! Akin myself to my namesake St. Clare who is known as the saint of TV, I think I've been watching TV since I was born, especially the Kapamilya Network. It was more interesting to find out that I know more of the shows and the programs of the network than my colleagues who have been working in the network years more.  So this is how a job can be fun!  Everything has been interesting and I continue to enjoy learning. 

2. Watched ABS-CBN 4 Live Shows

I proclaimed myself as the most loyal viewer of ABS-CBN since pre-school so being a Kapamilya employee gave me easy access to my favorite ABS-CBN Live Shows.  I won five passes to It's Showtime, able to join Studio Tours twice, watched the 2nd and 3rd episodes of Sarah G Live and saw  how it was hard for artists and people in the production to be working continuously for live and taped episodes.  I got the privilege to watch Gandang Gabi Vice with just a Kapamilya ID hanging on my neck when Gino, Del and Chico, hosts of RX 93.1 The Morning Rush guested on Vice Ganda's show. Finally, I just said it as a joke that I'll resign if I won't be able to watch ASAP 2012 live before my first anniversary but Mel got the passes for me. With that, I made a self-imposed bond with the Kapamilya Network.

And of course, I got every chance to have pictures with my favorite Kapamilya Stars.

with the beautiful stars of Philippine showbusiness

3. I celebrated my birthday in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore

I only had one travel abroad in Year 2012 but filled with many memories and reunions. It was tiring, sleepless yet enjoyable check-in/out of the airports (NAIA 3,KL LCCT, Penang International Airport and Changi Airport) for six times in just 50 hrs.  I found out how a day is enough to spend in a laid back Penang, Malaysia. Then, I experienced how to travel on my own in Kuala Lumpur (I gone there thrice but on business trips).  KL Trip was more of catching up with former work colleagues based in KL and I realized how friendship can stay even though I switched jobs. Then, I spent the first 6 hours of my birthday in KL and then the rest of the day in Singapore.  I blew two birthday candles - at KL Sentral courtesy of Prem and at Singapore courtesy of Joy. Both new acquaintances that became my new friends.  It was also a short-planned reunion with college classmates Gen and Jen as we got fascinated at the crowded Orchard Fashion event and had our humble drinking session along Singapore River while enjoying the sounds of the sophisticated bars nearby for free.

4. Bonding Trips with my Family and Loved Relatives

Year 2012 was the year of making up for the lost time for my family because of my non-base-Philippine work schedule and holidays.  With PH holidays, it gave me more flexible time to spent it with my family and had more time travelling with them.  It was our first time to be together and spent the Holy Week in our home in the province.  Then, I took my cousins, nieces, nephews and aunts to some historical places in Manila like Manila Zoo, National Museuma nd Rizal Park.  In early December, we spent our pre-Christmas celebration with our closest relative in Subic.  I cannot bargain the genuine happy faces of my family and relatives together.

5. Being a self-proclaimed travel organizer, I made one for my Nanay & Tatay for their first trip together to Bohol

For my Tatay's birthday last March 2012, I & my sister, Aileen, arranged a vacation for our parents in Bohol.  With my lifetime membership from Travel & Leisure, I got some discounts for travel package inclusive of airport transfers, countryside and city tour, buffet lunch on cruise Loboc River and overnight accommodation with buffet breakfast at Dumaluan Beach Resort.  They enjoyed the tour so much that my mother spent Php1,000 for the pictures on-site of tourist spots (though they have my digicam of which I had to give them instructions how to use it). She said she wanted to get the printed photos right away and not just to keep looking at it on the computers.  True enough, when I visited home in Bacolod, their pictures of Tatay are everywhere in the house - with the Snake, with tarsiers, on the cruise of Loboc and somewhat like pre-nup photos in Chocolate Hills.



6. Got to feel one of my dream destinations, Santorini, in Bellarocca!

There's a saying that practice makes one perfect! For me, in travelling, themed-like destination is also like a gateway to dream destination.  Santorini in Greece has always been a dream for me, how picturesque for the blueish of the ocean and the sky blend with the white stoned houses - perfect place of solitude and beauty.  Just like with my collection of variety of stuffs of Eiffel Tower (from stickers, clips, Ipad case, notepads, etc), I've been chasing this dream as well.


7. I discovered the beauty of Davao and it's richness in History

Without an inclination to join this trip because of my new job, I finally said yes at last minute.  Davao trip was a discovery for me! From my closest to the sea accommodation in Pearl Farm Resort to another visit to my Geography and History class as we went around different tourist destinations in Davao, from the colorful and vibrant festivities of Kadayawan Festivals to our share of scary folklore experience in Samal Island, I'd say, "It's More Fun in the Philippines!"

anywhere in Davao City

Kadayawan Festival

anywhere in Samal Island

8. My Bravest Adventure (so far) - Giant Waterslide in Samal Island

Amidst the heart ailment (which I don't take seriously!), I unleashed my fears again and took bunch of my powerful confidence and slide towards the open sea! It was worth the risk and the excitement!!

Samal's Giant Slide (the first in Asia) that drops you to the sea!

9. I spent one day in 15th Century

With my ever reliable travel buddies, getting best deals are like peanuts (a Filipino cliche!)So easy! Got a good deal to spend a weekend at the promising Bataan. Staying at Casa Las Filipinas de Azucar is like spending a day in Spanish era.  This is like putting the 15th century in a setting ground surrounded by the 2oth century beautified mountains and ocean - where different heritage, culture and tradition meet with the new centuries people in one place! The most memorable thing of this trip was how five ladies got the courage to drive the curvest of the roads as we go along the route to Subic with only GPS on hand! Who needs a man at that moment?! LoL!

10.  Year 2012 is like a new leaf for me - I met new friends, gained more and I played a mentor to some. 

I always find it fascinating meeting new people and knowing more about them.  It's more wonderful if they become my friends.  Also, with my new role now, I'm more excited to mentor these young professionals with eyes full of eagerness to learn new things!  I pray to God that I can be an effective instrument for them as they work for their dreams too.  Inspiring them is more than enough.


11.  This year I got more blog entries than ever - I'd say I get back my life then.

My new job gave me back my other passion in life such as writing - this is my true definition of work-life balance.  

12. And, I got Lance!


This is my motivating trophy to be always at my best!

As I start 2013 with a solitary travel to Korea for 10-days, I am looking forward to a new learnings, new discoveries and new experiences.

Thank you Dear God for all the blessings and being with me.. ALL THE TIME!

I Won!

when my travels won me a chic luggage, it was more than winning the grand prize of Lotto...

my little space in February-March 2012 Travel Mag

i never thought that my non-edited and non-photoshop raw photo entry submitted to Leisure+Adventure Travel December 2011-January 2012 Holiday Giveaway Promo will put my face and my name even for just a little space in the February-March 2012 edition of Travel mag. i felt more jubilant seeing my name on the colored spread of the magazine than seeing my name in the black and white newspaper of the CPA Board Exam results in 1999.

i bought the magazine because of the laksa picture and Penang on the cover in prep for my  vacation last March 2012. i wanted to know more about Penang and just bought the magazine. then i saw the promo to simply submit a picture and short description of my memorable holiday.

i immediately rummaged by external drive and selected without second thoughts my photo  at the Great Wall of China.

and on the 8th of February, i got a mail from Mega Publishing. I won!

it was a blissful moment. it was more than winning a lottery. it was surreal.

and with new luggage, i continue to travel, explore and experience the beauty of the world and the uniqueness and distinctiveness of the creations of God.

Jumpshot: A Must Travel Photo

my signature travel shot - jumpshot!
along with my travel souvenirs, from magnets to shot glass to stickers to dolls, i should have my jumpshot.

i started my signature jump shot in year 2008 from my laoag trip although i started traveling in year 2006. it all started after reading Bianca Gonzales blog who always had her "tumbling shots" taken from her travels. she has the confidence and the guts to jump or what she called "tumbling shot" at the middle of the frozen lake, abandoned airport runway or even at the front of the parliamentary house and other places around the world. i can't do the cartwheel but then i'm happy with my own signature jump shot.
and it's getting better and better though. :-)

i have a good number of jump shots from my travels here in the Philippines and some countries in Asia and the fact that it took a lot of camera clicks, aching foot sole and palpitating heartbeat before i get the very good shot, it is worth a memory to remember..

inspired from Bianca's blog, i listed down my top 10 jump shots too:)

10

at the center of gyeongbokgung palace, south korea

worn our royal guards costume, lea, joan and i took our jump shot at the center of the palace where tourists were resting from the sole-aching-tour around the palace..many tourists and passers-by just looked at us wondering what we were doing!! but after some shots, i think somehow they had fun watching us jumping and laughing. soon after i saw some tourists had their jumpshots too!

9

sand dunes, laoag

i was supposed to join the 5-day-north luzon trip but my role in the project implementation from my previous job did not allow me to take the leave earlier than scheduled..coming from the 10-hour road trip, i met my travel buddies in laoag and headed to sand dunes. we felt like kids running down the sand dunes which is also popular for the classic movies like "Panday". this is my first jumpshot! =)

8

in front of UPLB arts center with mangie

this is my most painful and difficult jumpshot ever! never thought i can do this!

it was an unplanned weekend get-away from the stressful work from my previous company in pansol, laguna. straight from the office, we arrived past twelve midnight and spent the rest of the night swimming, drinking, talking (including backbiting! haha) and videok-ing, it was a bonding time for all of us.

7

in front of one of the historical ruins in corregidor island

together with joan, anna and my, i had my first tour in the historical island of corregidor

this is the first time i had fun doing the jumpshot and the start of my Dream High album in Facebook

6

by the tinago falls, iligan

my highest jump ever amidst the slippery stone floor at the edge of the falls.

the more than hundred steps going down the falls and climbing up the steepest stairs were worth seeing this beautiful hidden paradise in mindanao

5

backdrop mt. kinabalu, kota kinabalu

kota kinabalu is my most laid-back travel but sabah malaysia fascinated me with their deep respect to its culture, nationalism and tradition. mt kinabalu is another God's creation and it always remind me that wherever i go, its not only the place that amazed me but also the people that i met or just "watch or observe".

4

at the entrance of underground river, puerto princesa, palawan

tourists(local & foreign) never thought i'd jumped for a photo on the created platform for ms. earth pageant while waiting for our turn to enter the underground river, one of the new seven wonders of nature.

another God's wonderful creation -the beautiful formations inside the underground river are the unimaginable art designed by nature.

3

by the bird's nest, beijing, china

at the midst of chilly and cool palm sunday, i had my jump shot taken!

the strong, spring wind that achingly soothed through my skin did not stop me from jumping even after several attempts of getting a good jump shot.

2

at one of the steps in Great Wall of China

it was dangerous, it was difficult but i should have my signature jump shot in one of the wonders of the world, great wall of china. being there and saw the different spring flowers like cherry blossom was already a dream come true. being able to climb up to the highest tower that our breath and soles can take was also a dream come true. and being able to see how the walls almost touch the sky and being able to wave to the moon who can see the great wall from above, was indeed a dream come true!

1

by the luli island in puerto princesa, palawan

as much as i endlessly admired the beauty of puerto princesa from the greenest and cleanest city to the most exotic cuisine and delicacies, this is my beautiful jump ever! not my usual signature jump shot and the whole trip was the most organized, relaxed and rejuvenating! 

it's more fun jumping in the philippines!

..as i travel more, i will work harder to jump around the world.

UPDATED: February 2016: Off from my bucketlist:

in my wish list to have my jump shot:

1. eiffel tower in paris

2. big ben in london

3. marlboro country, batanes

4. taj mahal india

5. santorini, greece

6. jeju island, south korea (fulfilled March 2013)

7. mayon volcano, albay

8. rockefeller center, new york

9. hogwarts universal studio hollywood (LA) took instead in Universal Studios Japan (Nov 2014)

10. mt. apo, davao

Celebrate Life

i am very thankful for my birthday celebration this year. i am blessed with family and friends who love me dearly. i never thought i am treasured by a lot of people even with those who i haven't met in person yet.

at the eve of my birthday, my SOC/SEEUS team greeted me at the office. mhelie gave me a guess shirt and joy a lucky red girbaud wallet. it was also my first time that i reported to work on my birthday. but i didn't know it would be a blast!

at lunch, i met my friends marinette, generie and mangie who gave me a buffet lunch treat at cafe havana. i told them i should have gotten a zara outfit than that food trip! but kidding aside, i was really happy! i am used of giving birthday treat than receiving one. =)

reporting on midshift, i asked joan to order 6 boxes of pizza hut and kfc bucket meal for my IG team. it was a change from the traditional aling tonya's treat that i & rona used to give them. =)

dinner time. i asked my ecp team to a dinner at tempura only to find out that they prepared a dinner surprise for me at the pantry! it was my first time to receive such a surprise. i hate surprises because i don't know how to handle it - i always feel awkward.

and the highlight of them all, is a video birthday message from simon and edward from london!! i felt like in cloud 9. woot!woot!

and my special day ended with an e-card from mangie!

then, straight from work, i went to the airport for my early flight to bacolod. on the next day, my bffs from la salle and a highschool classmate were there to spend the day with me at the orphanage. it was the time in my life that i thought i need to give back to people that are less fortunate. this was also the first outreach program that i experienced from my religious studies class during my first year in la salle. since then, it is my dream to help the kids!

there were a lot of important people that i am very grateful for:

1) my former company, sca hygiene products, for sending 3 boxes of drypers diapers from manila to bacolod. special thanks to ms pinky, also a native of bacolod who arranged for this.

2) my bffs since la salle days, guia, grace and irene for giving me their time and efforts. guia who arranged everything from coordinating with holy infant, to birthday goodies up to jollibee. =) grace, for providing the transpo. irene, for helping out that day.

3) for vibes, my classmate in high school who brought her family to join the event too.

so on that sunny saturday, with our give-aways, pinata, balloons and other stuffs that the kids will like, we went to holy infant orphanage. the orphanage is run by private individuals and the home of the kids from a few weeks-old to 6 years old. they more cater for adoption and many of the kids are with their new parents abroad or here in philippines. the orphanage are also posting pictures in their bulletin board of the kids who are abroad with their adopted parents. this is to show updates of the kids and to assure the orphanage that they are in good hands.

it was a happy celebration with jollibee as our main attraction. bunch of thanks to guia for arranging it. we were surprised though because when jollibee came out, the kids went cried out lout and wails and shouts ruled all over the place. i was a bit worried because i might have traumatized the kids but dr. villanueva, the chairwoman, told me not to worry at all. it was just the kids are not used to see a mascott. but as the celebration went on, the kids gradually liked jollibee. =)

it was indeed a worthwhile experience. from the caretakers of the orphanage, we learned that they need more of diapers and pillows. so i hope i can continue to support them in my own little way.

i was very thankful for the time and effort that grace, guia and irene gave me so to the end that day, i treat them to Be Well Massage with their daughters. it was a girl bonding on the spot!

i am very thankful to our dear Lord for a very wonderful life!